I messed up my last blog (Makings of a Diva). You don't understand... I REALLY messed up that blog so I had to start a new one. Funny thing about this whole screw up is I actually might like this one better. Don't worry I transfer all my old blog post to this one. So you are able to go back to older post and read what I have done already.
I title this "Makings of Me" because I always seem to put ALL myself into my blogs. It helps me grow and learn about myself as a person. I like to share what I have experience and my opinions on everything. People might not understand what I'm doing or even like it. The bottom line is I'm not doing it for them...I'm doing it for me.
So please... enjoy the ride as we take a journey on finding out the SOUL of Laquita.
Until next time...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Be the person you want to find...
I heard Lyfe Jennings new single "Statistics" earlier today and the man is speaking TRUTH in this song. Check out the video below.
Every female should have standards that she holds herself to. This reminds me of the Malcolm X quote "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything".
Every female should have standards that she holds herself to. This reminds me of the Malcolm X quote "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything".
Females need to respect themselves before they can demand respect from men. You can't ask for something that you're not willing to do yourself.
It's like the same old story....
I hope females listen to Lyfe Jennings because we have to do better
Time Heals All Wounds...
It's been a LONG minute since I have blog and I think I'm having withdrawal symptoms. I'm addicted to blogging. If it's me doing the blogging or reading other blogs. But luckily its summertime and that means I have more free time to do what I love.
Now the only problem with me is I have trouble finding topics to write about. Yeah, you would think that the life of a 23 year old female would have interesting, excellent, fun incidents. Negative!!!
I promised not to bored you...so stay tune to future post.
Now the only problem with me is I have trouble finding topics to write about. Yeah, you would think that the life of a 23 year old female would have interesting, excellent, fun incidents. Negative!!!
I promised not to bored you...so stay tune to future post.
Something is KILLIN me...
I love supporting the African American community regardless if its literature, film, restaurants, or anything. I just want to help better my people. Tonight I was at Hastings I came across this film title “Something is Killing Tate”. The film is an African American Independent film that has won recognition at several film festivals. FYI: When you rent movies at Hastings they don’t give you the original case so I don’t know much information on the film.
I don’t want to ruin the film for anyone who plans on watching anytime soon but a snippet of the film:
This black man fails at his attempt of suicide and the film goes through these moments in his past that lead up to the reason for his attempt. Finally at the end the film the childhood event is revealed. His friend tells him that there is a reason that he attempted failed. He finds joy again in his life. This pain that he has been carrying around all his life is lifted. The last slide in the film is this quote -
This film is dedicated to the many children who lost their innocence far too soon. May the strength in your spirit continue to shine.
After finishing the movie and reading this short quote, tears flowed down my face. Not a tear but TEARS. I can’t believe I’m about to share this with a world of people that I don’t even know but it’s time for me to release this pain I been carrying around.
This quote touches my heart because I feel as if my innocence was stolen from me. From that very moment I was no longer a free spirited child but a young girl who would always been burden by her past.
When I was younger, probably around 7 or 8, I was sexual molested by a friend of the family. I can’t remember his name, what he looked like, or anything. The things I do remember is he used to let me drive his car. He would take me to the park, let me sit in his lap and steer the car. One day he starts grinding against my bottom while we’re driving. It wasn’t until he took me home that he said that it was our secret. At that time I didn’t know what was going on or the fact that what he did was wrong. I remember this happening several times. There was this one time my mom dropped my sister and me off at his apartment (can’t remember if it was the weekend, during the day, or summer break). All three of us climbed in his bed that day and watch T.V. At some point my sister went into the other room to sleep. That’s the day he took things to a new level by having me get down to my undies. He never violated my “womanhood” but he always grind against me. I have blocked that out of my mind for so long… “Something is Killing Tate” release all those memories I tried to forget about.
Then when I was fifteen and this old man at church used to say sly comments to me. He used to say shit like “If I was your age” or “You may be 15 but you surely do have woman curves”. He used to compliment me on my dress or how pretty I was. I used to smile and keep it walking. Then one day he had to take me home from church (don’t know where my mom or stepfather were) but I remember the car ride. He placed his hand on my knee and told me if I ever had any questions about anything that I could ask him. If I wanted to know about boys and sex that he could teach me some things. Again, I just smiled and turned my head. He didn’t stop from there. One day he came to drop something off for my mom while she was away from the house. He noticed that I was home alone…skipping the unnecessary parts. That was the night I lost my virginity. I didn’t tell anyone but a couple of days later out of the blue my mom asked me if I was still a virgin. I said no but when she asked who the guy was all I could do was lie and named some guy I went to school went. I didn’t want to get in trouble. After that I hated going to church, I hated having to see his face, and I hated the fact that I couldn’t/didn’t say anything to anyone.
Let’s forward to college…
There is another incident with a guy friend. He had been drinking and we were in his dorm room alone. One thing led to another… there was some kissing but by the time I realized my pants were off and he was reaching for a condom I didn’t want to engage in this sexual activity. I said the “command words” such as “stop”, “no”, and “get off me”. I remember that night… when I walking back to my dorm it was a good inch of snow on the ground. All I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. I don’t know what overcame me but by the time I reached my dorm I was in tears. Instead of heading to my room I stopped at my best friend’s room. She questioned on what happen and if I was alright. Through the tears all I could say was “I think something bad just happened”.
That’s the night I got my strength back. That’s the night I overcame the pain and hurt. That’s the night I stop being the victim and stood as the survivor. My friend encouraged me to report what happened. Even though now I wish I would have just buried that pain with the other incidents. It was the right thing to do. I did it for all the girls without a voice, for all the girls that couldn’t find the courage, and for all the girls that lost their innocence too soon. I did what I did because of that quote – “This film is dedicated to the many children who lost their innocence far too soon. May the strength in your spirit continue to shine.”
It’s been four years since that last incident and I’m a better person. I had to share my story to let go of the pain. I have to realize that I survived and I’m no longer the victim. I forgive all those that took advantage of me. I forgive myself for not having the strength for standing up for myself then.
I dedicated this blog entry to the little girls, the young females, and the college women that lost a part of themselves when someone stole something so precious from them.
Until next time….
This black man fails at his attempt of suicide and the film goes through these moments in his past that lead up to the reason for his attempt. Finally at the end the film the childhood event is revealed. His friend tells him that there is a reason that he attempted failed. He finds joy again in his life. This pain that he has been carrying around all his life is lifted. The last slide in the film is this quote -
This film is dedicated to the many children who lost their innocence far too soon. May the strength in your spirit continue to shine.
After finishing the movie and reading this short quote, tears flowed down my face. Not a tear but TEARS. I can’t believe I’m about to share this with a world of people that I don’t even know but it’s time for me to release this pain I been carrying around.
This quote touches my heart because I feel as if my innocence was stolen from me. From that very moment I was no longer a free spirited child but a young girl who would always been burden by her past.
When I was younger, probably around 7 or 8, I was sexual molested by a friend of the family. I can’t remember his name, what he looked like, or anything. The things I do remember is he used to let me drive his car. He would take me to the park, let me sit in his lap and steer the car. One day he starts grinding against my bottom while we’re driving. It wasn’t until he took me home that he said that it was our secret. At that time I didn’t know what was going on or the fact that what he did was wrong. I remember this happening several times. There was this one time my mom dropped my sister and me off at his apartment (can’t remember if it was the weekend, during the day, or summer break). All three of us climbed in his bed that day and watch T.V. At some point my sister went into the other room to sleep. That’s the day he took things to a new level by having me get down to my undies. He never violated my “womanhood” but he always grind against me. I have blocked that out of my mind for so long… “Something is Killing Tate” release all those memories I tried to forget about.
Then when I was fifteen and this old man at church used to say sly comments to me. He used to say shit like “If I was your age” or “You may be 15 but you surely do have woman curves”. He used to compliment me on my dress or how pretty I was. I used to smile and keep it walking. Then one day he had to take me home from church (don’t know where my mom or stepfather were) but I remember the car ride. He placed his hand on my knee and told me if I ever had any questions about anything that I could ask him. If I wanted to know about boys and sex that he could teach me some things. Again, I just smiled and turned my head. He didn’t stop from there. One day he came to drop something off for my mom while she was away from the house. He noticed that I was home alone…skipping the unnecessary parts. That was the night I lost my virginity. I didn’t tell anyone but a couple of days later out of the blue my mom asked me if I was still a virgin. I said no but when she asked who the guy was all I could do was lie and named some guy I went to school went. I didn’t want to get in trouble. After that I hated going to church, I hated having to see his face, and I hated the fact that I couldn’t/didn’t say anything to anyone.
Let’s forward to college…
There is another incident with a guy friend. He had been drinking and we were in his dorm room alone. One thing led to another… there was some kissing but by the time I realized my pants were off and he was reaching for a condom I didn’t want to engage in this sexual activity. I said the “command words” such as “stop”, “no”, and “get off me”. I remember that night… when I walking back to my dorm it was a good inch of snow on the ground. All I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. I don’t know what overcame me but by the time I reached my dorm I was in tears. Instead of heading to my room I stopped at my best friend’s room. She questioned on what happen and if I was alright. Through the tears all I could say was “I think something bad just happened”.
That’s the night I got my strength back. That’s the night I overcame the pain and hurt. That’s the night I stop being the victim and stood as the survivor. My friend encouraged me to report what happened. Even though now I wish I would have just buried that pain with the other incidents. It was the right thing to do. I did it for all the girls without a voice, for all the girls that couldn’t find the courage, and for all the girls that lost their innocence too soon. I did what I did because of that quote – “This film is dedicated to the many children who lost their innocence far too soon. May the strength in your spirit continue to shine.”
It’s been four years since that last incident and I’m a better person. I had to share my story to let go of the pain. I have to realize that I survived and I’m no longer the victim. I forgive all those that took advantage of me. I forgive myself for not having the strength for standing up for myself then.
I dedicated this blog entry to the little girls, the young females, and the college women that lost a part of themselves when someone stole something so precious from them.
Until next time….
Brand New...Who???
I haven’t written about this person since the beginning of this blog. I think I refer to him as “SexyLips” so we’re going to stick with that name.
We had this arrangement, “meetings” is what we called them lol. This happened all of 2009… fell off a little during the summer because of not being in school but a whole year of unattached sex. It’s a beautiful thing…
Some females don’t how to fuck buddies. We get emotional attached to the sex and then the person. Thinking that if we give the BEST SEX HE HAS EVER HAD… then he would commit. [[I only say “we” because I’m a female too… but I never been that type of female]] Bitches get over yourself!!!!
Back to what I was talking about…
So like my first post of the new year I said I didn’t make any new years resolution… but I don’t want to continue to fuck SexyLips [[at least not today or this week]]. See me when I’m drunk and horny then things might be different.
Right now I’m not looking for Mr. Right Now (more like Mr. Put It Down…if you know what I mean) He was annoying the other night… kept texting about a meeting. When I turned it down this fool had the nerve to say I’m acting brand new. The only reason it made me upset is because I told him before we left for break that this will be our last meeting [[said it twice but the last time we made sure to go out with a bang]]
I’m honestly about to make a trip to Hustler and purchase a couple of items to help me through those hard nights….I have no problem taking care of business when necessary. He put it down occasionally but didn’t satisfy ALL my needs in the bedroom… You HAVE to love the taste of womanhood lol R.Kelly has the PERFECT song on his new album Untitled called “Go Low”…exactly what I need in my life
Let’s see how long I can avoid a late night meeting with SexyLips
Until then…
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For the first time in MONTHS I went to the gym. Honestly I HATE working out… the pain and definitely the sweating.
Sidebar: As a black woman, it’s hard to work out and not sweat out my perm. This is the only time I wish I could be a white girl. They can work out, go swimming, and whatever else and don’t have to worry about how their hair will turn out. All they have to do is wash and go. Bitch I wish I could do that!!!! It’s bad enough I already need a relaxer so I guess I will be rockin some type of a hat tomorrow.
Working out is not a habit of mines. I’m not lazy. I’m not fat. I could lose a couple of pounds. I just wish I could find a solution with my hair. That’s basically the only thing that is stopping me from attending the gym.
I’m helping my friend prepare for her wedding next year. So if she needs a work out buddy then I’m there. Knowing myself… I give me a month and I’m going to start giving excuses why I can’t meet her at the gym lol. She’s mixed so she has the wash-and-go hair. She doesn’t understand my dilemma.
If I want to keep my cute little figure then I need to maintain my weight, tone this beautiful body, and eat healthier. Right now I weight 168 [[170 on a good day]] so my goal is 10 pounds by the end of the semester. Let’s pray that I can continue with this workout plan.
We had this arrangement, “meetings” is what we called them lol. This happened all of 2009… fell off a little during the summer because of not being in school but a whole year of unattached sex. It’s a beautiful thing…
Some females don’t how to fuck buddies. We get emotional attached to the sex and then the person. Thinking that if we give the BEST SEX HE HAS EVER HAD… then he would commit. [[I only say “we” because I’m a female too… but I never been that type of female]] Bitches get over yourself!!!!
Back to what I was talking about…
So like my first post of the new year I said I didn’t make any new years resolution… but I don’t want to continue to fuck SexyLips [[at least not today or this week]]. See me when I’m drunk and horny then things might be different.
Right now I’m not looking for Mr. Right Now (more like Mr. Put It Down…if you know what I mean) He was annoying the other night… kept texting about a meeting. When I turned it down this fool had the nerve to say I’m acting brand new. The only reason it made me upset is because I told him before we left for break that this will be our last meeting [[said it twice but the last time we made sure to go out with a bang]]
I’m honestly about to make a trip to Hustler and purchase a couple of items to help me through those hard nights….I have no problem taking care of business when necessary. He put it down occasionally but didn’t satisfy ALL my needs in the bedroom… You HAVE to love the taste of womanhood lol R.Kelly has the PERFECT song on his new album Untitled called “Go Low”…exactly what I need in my life
Let’s see how long I can avoid a late night meeting with SexyLips
Until then…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the first time in MONTHS I went to the gym. Honestly I HATE working out… the pain and definitely the sweating.
Sidebar: As a black woman, it’s hard to work out and not sweat out my perm. This is the only time I wish I could be a white girl. They can work out, go swimming, and whatever else and don’t have to worry about how their hair will turn out. All they have to do is wash and go. Bitch I wish I could do that!!!! It’s bad enough I already need a relaxer so I guess I will be rockin some type of a hat tomorrow.
Working out is not a habit of mines. I’m not lazy. I’m not fat. I could lose a couple of pounds. I just wish I could find a solution with my hair. That’s basically the only thing that is stopping me from attending the gym.
I’m helping my friend prepare for her wedding next year. So if she needs a work out buddy then I’m there. Knowing myself… I give me a month and I’m going to start giving excuses why I can’t meet her at the gym lol. She’s mixed so she has the wash-and-go hair. She doesn’t understand my dilemma.
If I want to keep my cute little figure then I need to maintain my weight, tone this beautiful body, and eat healthier. Right now I weight 168 [[170 on a good day]] so my goal is 10 pounds by the end of the semester. Let’s pray that I can continue with this workout plan.
Sit Down and Read a Book...
othing has inspired me to blog today… so this may be just random…
I visited Half Price Books this past week. I was searching for a couple of books for me to read on my free time. My favorite section in any bookstore is African American Literature, regardless if it’s African American Studies or African American fiction. I love to support the black community – also includes film and television.
I purchased The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison and A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall. Toni Morrison is on my list of favorite African American authors but this book was suggestion by a friend. I usually like reading books that are current [[at least publish within 4 to 7 years unless it’s a classic that I haven’t read yet]] but I’m going to give The Bluest Eye a chance.
A Quiet Storm by Hall was a page turner. I read this book in one sitting. It was intriguing, captivating, and down right heart touching. Honestly I won’t wait too long to read this book again.
I visited Half Price Books this past week. I was searching for a couple of books for me to read on my free time. My favorite section in any bookstore is African American Literature, regardless if it’s African American Studies or African American fiction. I love to support the black community – also includes film and television.
I purchased The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison and A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall. Toni Morrison is on my list of favorite African American authors but this book was suggestion by a friend. I usually like reading books that are current [[at least publish within 4 to 7 years unless it’s a classic that I haven’t read yet]] but I’m going to give The Bluest Eye a chance.
A Quiet Storm by Hall was a page turner. I read this book in one sitting. It was intriguing, captivating, and down right heart touching. Honestly I won’t wait too long to read this book again.
I’m made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions
“I’m made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
I had to motivate myself to blog today. It wasn’t a good or bad day. A normal day of like all the others: work, running errands, and my daily nap. [[Sidebar: I haven’t took a nap since I been on winter break]]
I was checking my Facebook and a friend had this as her status “M.H. is made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions”. So I dedicate my blog to that quote….
Last week I received an Honestly Box comment [[who stills writes in people’s honestly box… I know—LAME ASS PEOPLE]] that disturb my inner thoughts.
Let me share with you what this anonymous person wrote:
“Sexy. Asshole. ATTITUDE. Jazmine Sullivan. I would’ve dated you but you’re too young in mind.
(1) Usually I thought females got called “Bitch”, “Whore”, or “Slut” but never Asshole. I wonder if I’m the first ; - )
My thought on this: I’m only evil, bitching, or even an ASSHOLE when someone’s piss me off. That’s when Ms. Paula comes out [[Yes I have alter ego when I need to be a bitch towards someone – Paula is my mom and you know the saying “I am my mother’s child lol]] I don’t let people take advantage of me. I’m nice but I can always be strong will when the moment calls for.
(2) I wish people would stop calling me Jazmine Sullivan. Yes, it’s a compliment but you’re not the first person to say that. It’s starting to get on my nerves.
(3) I love myself. Sometimes too much but this person must have a problem with the way I DEAL with MYSELF to mention it in the comment.
I wonder who this anonymous person is…
1. Someone that I’m close to
2. Someone I casually know
3. Someone that doesn’t have interaction with me on a normal basis.
So question Blog World: When a person degrades you as individuals, do you change to be a better person because you don’t want others to view you negatively or do you disregard what they said because you don’t feel like it’s true?
This comment disturbs my thoughts. Do I interact with others with an asshole attitude or did I just have a bad experience with this one person for him to view me in this way?
I can’t let this one comment affect how I feel about myself… If you don’t like me then that’s your problem…
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Back to the quote: “I’m made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
I had to motivate myself to blog today. It wasn’t a good or bad day. A normal day of like all the others: work, running errands, and my daily nap. [[Sidebar: I haven’t took a nap since I been on winter break]]
I was checking my Facebook and a friend had this as her status “M.H. is made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions”. So I dedicate my blog to that quote….
Last week I received an Honestly Box comment [[who stills writes in people’s honestly box… I know—LAME ASS PEOPLE]] that disturb my inner thoughts.
Let me share with you what this anonymous person wrote:
“Sexy. Asshole. ATTITUDE. Jazmine Sullivan. I would’ve dated you but you’re too young in mind.
(1) Usually I thought females got called “Bitch”, “Whore”, or “Slut” but never Asshole. I wonder if I’m the first ; - )
My thought on this: I’m only evil, bitching, or even an ASSHOLE when someone’s piss me off. That’s when Ms. Paula comes out [[Yes I have alter ego when I need to be a bitch towards someone – Paula is my mom and you know the saying “I am my mother’s child lol]] I don’t let people take advantage of me. I’m nice but I can always be strong will when the moment calls for.
(2) I wish people would stop calling me Jazmine Sullivan. Yes, it’s a compliment but you’re not the first person to say that. It’s starting to get on my nerves.
(3) I love myself. Sometimes too much but this person must have a problem with the way I DEAL with MYSELF to mention it in the comment.
I wonder who this anonymous person is…
1. Someone that I’m close to
2. Someone I casually know
3. Someone that doesn’t have interaction with me on a normal basis.
So question Blog World: When a person degrades you as individuals, do you change to be a better person because you don’t want others to view you negatively or do you disregard what they said because you don’t feel like it’s true?
This comment disturbs my thoughts. Do I interact with others with an asshole attitude or did I just have a bad experience with this one person for him to view me in this way?
I can’t let this one comment affect how I feel about myself… If you don’t like me then that’s your problem…
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Back to the quote: “I’m made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
Blessed Beyond Measure
I been living in my apartment since August 17, 2009 [[let me say it has not been easy]] but I don’t have cable or internet so other than movies and music it’s mostly quiet at my place. I found out that I’m most comfortable in a peaceful, serene, and relaxing environment. You can’t even imagine how much I have spent on candles… it calms me and my surroundings.
Today I came home from work, straighten up the little bit of mess from this morning, cooked me some dinner, pour me a glass of wine, and ate my meal in the quiet. My mind wander, my thoughts flow freely, my soul was set free. At this moment I realize that everything will be okay. Regardless of the cruelness of the world my father, Jesus Christ, will always be there to protect me. At this moment I realize that I didn’t need sound, noise, or distractions. There is a reason I’m living on my own, a reason I’m single, and a reason I been through hell and back. That is reason was shown today… because I’m happy, content, at peace, and everything in between.
Later I let my ‘’Praise & Worship’’ playlist run through…
(1)I love my young adult choir from church… Voices of Praiz aka VOP always put in down whenever we had to sing. There is one song that I have that ALWAYS puts me in that place. When I listen to this song I feel blessed, thankful, and grateful for my life. I don’t know who recorded it but it’s called “HOLD ON”.
Some of the lyrics:
“I know trails sometimes weigh you down. Searching for the answers they can not be found. Just know that God is on your side, he’ll be there right on time. Don’t worry everything will be alright. Hold on… everything is going work out for you. Hold on… God is going to show up real soon. Hold on… even when you feel misunderstood. Your situation is working out for your good”
“When the tears keep falling from your eyes and the pain you feel is deep inside. Know that God always has you on his mind. When your back is up against the wall and you feel all hope is gone. Know that God is in control and hold on and don’t let go.”
This song always seems to touch my heart. Whenever I play gospel music I make sure that this song plays. I love it. I feel as if God is personally talking to me. I know that no matter what is going on that everything is goin to be alright. I can’t let go but continue to hold on to my faith in God. MY SITUATION is working out because of him and nobody else. Man… you just don’t understand how much I been through. You don’t know my story, my testimony, my journey but know that I’m not the same person. I have changed. I’m still changing. I will continue to change until the day Jesus feels I have reach my full potential then he might have something better/different in store for me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love.
There is a saying that goes “You never know what love truly feels like until you share it with that special person” or maybe that is just what I think.
I been in love.
I want to feel that love again. Either with him or Mr. Right but with someone that can love me back the way I should be loved.
Until next time....
Today I came home from work, straighten up the little bit of mess from this morning, cooked me some dinner, pour me a glass of wine, and ate my meal in the quiet. My mind wander, my thoughts flow freely, my soul was set free. At this moment I realize that everything will be okay. Regardless of the cruelness of the world my father, Jesus Christ, will always be there to protect me. At this moment I realize that I didn’t need sound, noise, or distractions. There is a reason I’m living on my own, a reason I’m single, and a reason I been through hell and back. That is reason was shown today… because I’m happy, content, at peace, and everything in between.
Later I let my ‘’Praise & Worship’’ playlist run through…
(1)I love my young adult choir from church… Voices of Praiz aka VOP always put in down whenever we had to sing. There is one song that I have that ALWAYS puts me in that place. When I listen to this song I feel blessed, thankful, and grateful for my life. I don’t know who recorded it but it’s called “HOLD ON”.
Some of the lyrics:
“I know trails sometimes weigh you down. Searching for the answers they can not be found. Just know that God is on your side, he’ll be there right on time. Don’t worry everything will be alright. Hold on… everything is going work out for you. Hold on… God is going to show up real soon. Hold on… even when you feel misunderstood. Your situation is working out for your good”
“When the tears keep falling from your eyes and the pain you feel is deep inside. Know that God always has you on his mind. When your back is up against the wall and you feel all hope is gone. Know that God is in control and hold on and don’t let go.”
This song always seems to touch my heart. Whenever I play gospel music I make sure that this song plays. I love it. I feel as if God is personally talking to me. I know that no matter what is going on that everything is goin to be alright. I can’t let go but continue to hold on to my faith in God. MY SITUATION is working out because of him and nobody else. Man… you just don’t understand how much I been through. You don’t know my story, my testimony, my journey but know that I’m not the same person. I have changed. I’m still changing. I will continue to change until the day Jesus feels I have reach my full potential then he might have something better/different in store for me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love.
There is a saying that goes “You never know what love truly feels like until you share it with that special person” or maybe that is just what I think.
I been in love.
I want to feel that love again. Either with him or Mr. Right but with someone that can love me back the way I should be loved.
Until next time....
its not GOODBYE but SEE YOU LATER...
It's September 2nd...today leaves a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. My older sister, NeNe, is leaving for grad school in Boston.
Don't get me wrong...I'm so happy for my sister. We spent the weekend together, celebrating her achievement. We had a small gathering at the parents house...friends and family came to show support and love.It was fun times...lots of pictures and videos lol
My sister is not the type of person to stay in one place for too long...I'm used to that. It's just sad that she is leaving...I know she will be back. Or at least I think she will.
This day may me realize that Saturday might have been the last time...all the girls will be together until whenever???
This is my last year in college...my sister is going away for grad school...who knows what the future holds. I know one day I will see her again...maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas. I wonder about after the holidays... my graduation (I know she better be there REGARDLESS)
I'm reflecting on my life and the lives of those around me... The girls (NeNe, MoMo, Princess, Devin, and OF course me) are turning into WOMEN...not young women but we're growing up and growing apart.
I know for the longest...it has always been NeNe, MoMo, and Qui Qui... now the pack is going separate ways.
There will be times that we will get together and it seems as if time as stood still...but at this very moment I cherish every birthday, every fight, every disagreement, every piece of clothing that was "borrowed" and never returned, and every moment that was shared between all three of us or just the two of us.
The old saying is so true for the three of us... Good friends are hard to find. Yes, these beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, silly, smartass, head strong, and every other qualities that they embodied are my closest friends and my family.
To my sister, I miss you already and you just left. I'm so blessed to have you as my sister. The times where I wanted to kill you for getting on my nerves or saying something smart. You always told me what I NEEDED to hear rather than tell me what I wanted to hear. Thank you for being honest with me... I couldn't ask for a better friend then you. You have always been there for me...through the good,the bad, and the ugly. I hope that we continue to be as close as we are even with all the miles between us. I'm getting teary eye by writing this...I want you to know..I LOVE YOU!!! You can always depend on me...whatever I have or whatever I accomplish is yours. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND AND A WONDERFUL SISTER!!!
This is something I had to get off my chest...I'm the type of person who holds my feelings inside. But for my sister, I will do anything.
Don't get me wrong...I'm so happy for my sister. We spent the weekend together, celebrating her achievement. We had a small gathering at the parents house...friends and family came to show support and love.It was fun times...lots of pictures and videos lol
My sister is not the type of person to stay in one place for too long...I'm used to that. It's just sad that she is leaving...I know she will be back. Or at least I think she will.
This day may me realize that Saturday might have been the last time...all the girls will be together until whenever???
This is my last year in college...my sister is going away for grad school...who knows what the future holds. I know one day I will see her again...maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas. I wonder about after the holidays... my graduation (I know she better be there REGARDLESS)
I'm reflecting on my life and the lives of those around me... The girls (NeNe, MoMo, Princess, Devin, and OF course me) are turning into WOMEN...not young women but we're growing up and growing apart.
I know for the longest...it has always been NeNe, MoMo, and Qui Qui... now the pack is going separate ways.
There will be times that we will get together and it seems as if time as stood still...but at this very moment I cherish every birthday, every fight, every disagreement, every piece of clothing that was "borrowed" and never returned, and every moment that was shared between all three of us or just the two of us.
The old saying is so true for the three of us... Good friends are hard to find. Yes, these beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, silly, smartass, head strong, and every other qualities that they embodied are my closest friends and my family.
To my sister, I miss you already and you just left. I'm so blessed to have you as my sister. The times where I wanted to kill you for getting on my nerves or saying something smart. You always told me what I NEEDED to hear rather than tell me what I wanted to hear. Thank you for being honest with me... I couldn't ask for a better friend then you. You have always been there for me...through the good,the bad, and the ugly. I hope that we continue to be as close as we are even with all the miles between us. I'm getting teary eye by writing this...I want you to know..I LOVE YOU!!! You can always depend on me...whatever I have or whatever I accomplish is yours. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND AND A WONDERFUL SISTER!!!
This is something I had to get off my chest...I'm the type of person who holds my feelings inside. But for my sister, I will do anything.
Wanted to share something I love...
I love music...
Whether it's mainstream of underground...as long as it sounds good to me I will listen to it.
I been in love with this man since "Gotta Go"...YUUP!!! thats right...Mr. Trey Songz
Now, he can def get it...his voice makes me warm all over...but I found this playlist on imeem (A good website to just go to listen to music)
I thought I would post the playlist...Please enjoy
Whether it's mainstream of underground...as long as it sounds good to me I will listen to it.
I been in love with this man since "Gotta Go"...YUUP!!! thats right...Mr. Trey Songz
Now, he can def get it...his voice makes me warm all over...but I found this playlist on imeem (A good website to just go to listen to music)
I thought I would post the playlist...Please enjoy
A Taste of Fresh Air...
here are some things that I wanted to get off my chest....
The other day my roommate asked me did I believe in soulmates. My initial response was no but as I as I took a deeper look into what a soul mate was…I realized that I might have let my soulmate go.
My first love.
If he was my soulmate than that means we were meant to be together and God will work accordingly.
I know that you will never truly get over your first love but I still have the admiration for him. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
As I sit here and listen to songs on my itunes…. This song describes how I feel about him. It’s Anthony Hamilton “Her Heart”…I think of it from a females perspective.
No matter where my life takes me and how far a part we grow, I will always love this man. Even though the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. I want him back in my life. At least that's what I'm feeling now.
My heart will not let him go. It just won’t let me lose him. I just can’t say goodbye.
Love is nothing to play with. It can either hurt like hell or bring you so much joy. I want the joy of love back. I don’t give my heart out to anyone. I need someone who I feel like can handle me and no matter what will always love me the same and let that love grow (rather than fade).
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My happiness is a gift that I give myself each and everyday.
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Sometimes SEX is just that….SEX.
Nothing more and nothing less so why do females like to put too much thought into it?
Funny thing is… when it comes to SEX, I’m just like a dude. IF (and only if) its just sex then I don’t need sweet talk, the cuddle afterwards, or the phone call the next day. At that moment, we know what we were doing. If you wasn’t doing all those special things before then I do not expect you to do them after you have seen me naked.
Some females do not get that. Females think that if a guy has sex with you then that means he wants to take things to the next level… you should have asked that question before you dropped your panties.
Like myself, if I’m horny and I’m feeling/like a dude, and I feel like he can handle having sex with me then I’m going to take my chances. There are some dudes that think that if you have sex with them that it means something else. It all depends on the situation.
A close friend made me feel like I was wrong for having SEX with this dude aka SexyLips that I was feelin… so during a truth-or-dare game….she dare me to ask him out on a date. I did as part of the game but it was awkward because it was changing the dynamics of the friendship SexyLips and I had.
It’s whatever….because it was just SEX. He can think whatever he wants but I know what is up.
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I need a taste of fresh air....
The other day my roommate asked me did I believe in soulmates. My initial response was no but as I as I took a deeper look into what a soul mate was…I realized that I might have let my soulmate go.
My first love.
If he was my soulmate than that means we were meant to be together and God will work accordingly.
I know that you will never truly get over your first love but I still have the admiration for him. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
As I sit here and listen to songs on my itunes…. This song describes how I feel about him. It’s Anthony Hamilton “Her Heart”…I think of it from a females perspective.
No matter where my life takes me and how far a part we grow, I will always love this man. Even though the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. I want him back in my life. At least that's what I'm feeling now.
My heart will not let him go. It just won’t let me lose him. I just can’t say goodbye.
Love is nothing to play with. It can either hurt like hell or bring you so much joy. I want the joy of love back. I don’t give my heart out to anyone. I need someone who I feel like can handle me and no matter what will always love me the same and let that love grow (rather than fade).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My happiness is a gift that I give myself each and everyday.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes SEX is just that….SEX.
Nothing more and nothing less so why do females like to put too much thought into it?
Funny thing is… when it comes to SEX, I’m just like a dude. IF (and only if) its just sex then I don’t need sweet talk, the cuddle afterwards, or the phone call the next day. At that moment, we know what we were doing. If you wasn’t doing all those special things before then I do not expect you to do them after you have seen me naked.
Some females do not get that. Females think that if a guy has sex with you then that means he wants to take things to the next level… you should have asked that question before you dropped your panties.
Like myself, if I’m horny and I’m feeling/like a dude, and I feel like he can handle having sex with me then I’m going to take my chances. There are some dudes that think that if you have sex with them that it means something else. It all depends on the situation.
A close friend made me feel like I was wrong for having SEX with this dude aka SexyLips that I was feelin… so during a truth-or-dare game….she dare me to ask him out on a date. I did as part of the game but it was awkward because it was changing the dynamics of the friendship SexyLips and I had.
It’s whatever….because it was just SEX. He can think whatever he wants but I know what is up.
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I need a taste of fresh air....
I need MySpace Back...
FACEBOOK...
it can be a wonderful way to meet, connect, and network with different people from different places....a way to express yourself verbally with the public without ever meeting that person
OR
it was be depressing because so much personal information is given out over facebook...from your status (what, where, why, who...anything you want to know bout what a person is doing)
BUT
I want to tell facebook that I need my space back. At this moment I'm login in on fb and looking at other people's status.... and I don't like what I just saw.
This dude that I have been talking to since February (on and off) has his status as "Thru all the struggles... I have finally realized that what we have is hopeless.. So quietly I'll walk away"
HE IS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!
I need to vent...
We have had this "talk" about making it official or not. I won't lie about my feelings for him. There were strong and real feelings for him but there was that doubt in my heart his wasn't right for me. Yes, I enjoyed his company and I love spending time with him. I question...was I sending the wrong signals?
This situation got me thinking....
When you find someone that you're interested in and you hang out (kick it or whatever) basically spending most of your time with this one person then does that mean it has to end with a relationship?
If that was complicated to understand.... does every guy you talk to and build a friendship with NEED to end with making it official???
Guy meets girl, guy falls for girl, girl doesn't know if guy is right for girl...that is how this story is going.
Yes, there are most components to the situation but sometimes you got to keep it simple.
There are some people who give you doubt and rather than find out what that doubt is MAYBE things should end.
I'm confused and I wish that I had the right answer to this problem...but maybe there is no right answer
Let's see what happens....
(Ladies....never settle for something that you feel isn't right for you. Always follow your heart because that's what will make you happy at the end of the day. If you follow your mind then you might make a decision that you will regret at the end of the day. Love is something that is not should not be played with. Don't say those three special words if you don't mean it (even if there is doubt or not) My heart has been broken before and I hate to see someone's else heart broken because of me)
it can be a wonderful way to meet, connect, and network with different people from different places....a way to express yourself verbally with the public without ever meeting that person
OR
it was be depressing because so much personal information is given out over facebook...from your status (what, where, why, who...anything you want to know bout what a person is doing)
BUT
I want to tell facebook that I need my space back. At this moment I'm login in on fb and looking at other people's status.... and I don't like what I just saw.
This dude that I have been talking to since February (on and off) has his status as "Thru all the struggles... I have finally realized that what we have is hopeless.. So quietly I'll walk away"
HE IS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!
I need to vent...
We have had this "talk" about making it official or not. I won't lie about my feelings for him. There were strong and real feelings for him but there was that doubt in my heart his wasn't right for me. Yes, I enjoyed his company and I love spending time with him. I question...was I sending the wrong signals?
This situation got me thinking....
When you find someone that you're interested in and you hang out (kick it or whatever) basically spending most of your time with this one person then does that mean it has to end with a relationship?
If that was complicated to understand.... does every guy you talk to and build a friendship with NEED to end with making it official???
Guy meets girl, guy falls for girl, girl doesn't know if guy is right for girl...that is how this story is going.
Yes, there are most components to the situation but sometimes you got to keep it simple.
There are some people who give you doubt and rather than find out what that doubt is MAYBE things should end.
I'm confused and I wish that I had the right answer to this problem...but maybe there is no right answer
Let's see what happens....
(Ladies....never settle for something that you feel isn't right for you. Always follow your heart because that's what will make you happy at the end of the day. If you follow your mind then you might make a decision that you will regret at the end of the day. Love is something that is not should not be played with. Don't say those three special words if you don't mean it (even if there is doubt or not) My heart has been broken before and I hate to see someone's else heart broken because of me)
The Love Jones...
here are females who need, want, love to be in relationship. Then…there are females like me…who need, want, and love to be single. Sometimes the two meet in the middle but that is when the confusion sets in.
The confusion of wanting a serious relationship but like the boundaries of a causal relationship better can have a female wondering which one is best for her. Basically a female wants her cake and eat it to…AND what is so wrong with that. At some point other factors come into play. Can you blame a chick? Guys do it all the time. Guys are able to jungle a couple of women while never committing to none of them but he treats each one like they are the one for him. So can you blame chick if she does the same?
All this relates to my situation now. I been talking to this dude since February, it all start when he came to visit me while I was working the night desk at my dorm, then it got a little serious because he came every night I worked. Summer break was approaching and since we lived in the same city, one would have thought that everything would continue once we got to Louisville. I would say that it was good the first couple of weeks but I started summer school and I was working part time so my mind was on that and not him. We drifted apart and I began hanging out with a old fling while he was spending time with his ex-girlfriend. Who would believe it that him and his ex would get back together…then she would become a freshman at our school. The semester began without any drama then him and his girl broke up so we picked up right were we left off. We actually were better than we were when the semester ended and things got REAL serious. The talked about becoming a couple, making it official and changing our status on facebook. (Sidebar: When did being exclusive on facebook the decision factor of a relationship…lol)
Now we are at the end of the Fall semester and we are in a causal relationship. Is a relationship at the end of the tunnel or just another causal fling? The decision is mine. A decision that I can not fully make on my own. Ladies…I know you have been here before.
You’re at a crossed road where you feel like you met a guy that you can truly be with but the other part of you is not really sure if this is the guy you want to be with. Yeah I know it sounds like I said the same thing but it has a totally different meaning.
I believe that he is a good guy. He has all the qualitities a female would want in a boyfriend but there are moments when I’m thinking “Are you serious? Did you just do that or say that?” Since he is younger I feel like there is so much he can learn before dating someone my age. Then again he knows how to handle (at times).
Females tend to be attracted to one type of guy and have list of qualities that one would want in a boyfriend but then you meet this guys and all that goes out the window. Sometimes it works out for the best then sometimes it works for the worse. Dating, love, and relationship are a learning process. It’s an experience that everyone has to go through but it one that is hard to go into if you been hurt before. Is there a time period that should be place on how long two people can talk before deciding to call it quits or making it official? Females really don’t have a “type” of guy they go after but we know what we like. Usually looks are at the top of that list…definitely if we look good (don’t want to be match up with someone UGLY… it’s the truth) but other qualities might be personality, swag, or relationship with God and parents. Depending on the female the characteristics can be a range from one extreme to the next.
You never want to hurt someone but at times you got to worry about your feelings over other people.
The confusion of wanting a serious relationship but like the boundaries of a causal relationship better can have a female wondering which one is best for her. Basically a female wants her cake and eat it to…AND what is so wrong with that. At some point other factors come into play. Can you blame a chick? Guys do it all the time. Guys are able to jungle a couple of women while never committing to none of them but he treats each one like they are the one for him. So can you blame chick if she does the same?
All this relates to my situation now. I been talking to this dude since February, it all start when he came to visit me while I was working the night desk at my dorm, then it got a little serious because he came every night I worked. Summer break was approaching and since we lived in the same city, one would have thought that everything would continue once we got to Louisville. I would say that it was good the first couple of weeks but I started summer school and I was working part time so my mind was on that and not him. We drifted apart and I began hanging out with a old fling while he was spending time with his ex-girlfriend. Who would believe it that him and his ex would get back together…then she would become a freshman at our school. The semester began without any drama then him and his girl broke up so we picked up right were we left off. We actually were better than we were when the semester ended and things got REAL serious. The talked about becoming a couple, making it official and changing our status on facebook. (Sidebar: When did being exclusive on facebook the decision factor of a relationship…lol)
Now we are at the end of the Fall semester and we are in a causal relationship. Is a relationship at the end of the tunnel or just another causal fling? The decision is mine. A decision that I can not fully make on my own. Ladies…I know you have been here before.
You’re at a crossed road where you feel like you met a guy that you can truly be with but the other part of you is not really sure if this is the guy you want to be with. Yeah I know it sounds like I said the same thing but it has a totally different meaning.
I believe that he is a good guy. He has all the qualitities a female would want in a boyfriend but there are moments when I’m thinking “Are you serious? Did you just do that or say that?” Since he is younger I feel like there is so much he can learn before dating someone my age. Then again he knows how to handle (at times).
Females tend to be attracted to one type of guy and have list of qualities that one would want in a boyfriend but then you meet this guys and all that goes out the window. Sometimes it works out for the best then sometimes it works for the worse. Dating, love, and relationship are a learning process. It’s an experience that everyone has to go through but it one that is hard to go into if you been hurt before. Is there a time period that should be place on how long two people can talk before deciding to call it quits or making it official? Females really don’t have a “type” of guy they go after but we know what we like. Usually looks are at the top of that list…definitely if we look good (don’t want to be match up with someone UGLY… it’s the truth) but other qualities might be personality, swag, or relationship with God and parents. Depending on the female the characteristics can be a range from one extreme to the next.
You never want to hurt someone but at times you got to worry about your feelings over other people.
The Beginning of a NEW era
Well...this is new to me. My first time blogging. That's only if you don't count Myspace blogs.
Kinda weird.
I really don't know what to write but... I do know why I want to blog.
I'm in my fourth year at Eastern Kentucky University and I have a minor in journalism. What is a better way to get practice then to blog. LOL. I know lame.
It is 2:49 and it's finals week. I really should be going to sleep but I think I would rather be doing this.
I love reading blogs. I have a whole folder under my favorites dedicated to random blogs that I come across and interest me so I save them so I can see any updates.
I decided on the blog name, S.I.S.T.A, because I'm the president of a student organization on campus called S.I.S.T.A (Sisters in Spirit Through Achievement) and the purpose for the organization is to empower the women on campus and surrounding communities through student programs, community service, motivational speakers and provide these young women with the tools that are necessary to be successful while in college. I also research what sista stands for. UrbanDictionary.com says "a woman who carries herself with pride", "a black woman who carries herself with high respect", and "a fellow female who has been through similar situations to what you have been through thus empowering her to truly empathize, support and encourage you on your journey as you do the same for her. She gets it. There is no need to strain & explain to a true sistah."
I want my blog to be a testimate to any young woman who is trying to better her life. Regardless in what way that is.
I'm better sure I will write longer and better post in the future...but since my roommate is complaining that I'm typing to loud I think its time to shut down.
Kinda weird.
I really don't know what to write but... I do know why I want to blog.
I'm in my fourth year at Eastern Kentucky University and I have a minor in journalism. What is a better way to get practice then to blog. LOL. I know lame.
It is 2:49 and it's finals week. I really should be going to sleep but I think I would rather be doing this.
I love reading blogs. I have a whole folder under my favorites dedicated to random blogs that I come across and interest me so I save them so I can see any updates.
I decided on the blog name, S.I.S.T.A, because I'm the president of a student organization on campus called S.I.S.T.A (Sisters in Spirit Through Achievement) and the purpose for the organization is to empower the women on campus and surrounding communities through student programs, community service, motivational speakers and provide these young women with the tools that are necessary to be successful while in college. I also research what sista stands for. UrbanDictionary.com says "a woman who carries herself with pride", "a black woman who carries herself with high respect", and "a fellow female who has been through similar situations to what you have been through thus empowering her to truly empathize, support and encourage you on your journey as you do the same for her. She gets it. There is no need to strain & explain to a true sistah."
I want my blog to be a testimate to any young woman who is trying to better her life. Regardless in what way that is.
I'm better sure I will write longer and better post in the future...but since my roommate is complaining that I'm typing to loud I think its time to shut down.
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